[he stiffens immediately when she crawls on him, not because it hurts, but because he's still in such an incredibly distracted and despairing state that he isn't sure he wants to be touched yet - but he doesn't push her away. as much as he's still simmering, cassian never shies away from her touch.]

[his jaw is tight while he takes everything she says in. it's easy to say, easy to hear, but it's another to implement. if anyone would be honest with him, it's jyn, but he has a whole lifetime of guilt that can't be erased just because she tells him he doesn't deserve it. he wants to believe her.]

[he just doesn't know how.]

I cannot just stop feeling it. It does not work that way. [and she should know.] I have hated myself for so long it was just a fact I told myself.

I don't - I don't want any of this, but it does not mean it isn't there. I cannot turn it off because you say I do not deserve.