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[realists]

This is Jyn, leave a message I guess.

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[realists]

Except I learned not to feel things. [ so fuck u. ]

You can blame yourself all you want, for everything. And that's fine. Except when you do you take his sacrifice of service and give yourself credit for it. Because he wouldn't have died if it wasn't for you, he never would have been there if it wasn't for you, none of this would have happened if it wasn't for you. Specifically.

Except he flew in the Rebellion, in my Rebellion, before you even existed. He took his chances to keep fighting and he spent them all and that's it.

[volitaunt]

[ Talking to Jyn, Poe concludes (for the fifth, sixth, seventeenth time) is a little like standing directly in front of a star destroyer about to make a lightspeed jump. You can either get out of the way or get spread in tiny pieces across the galaxy.

He sorta admires that about her.

He can't argue with her logic--there's a measure of guilt associated with his feelings for exactly the reasons she says--but he can't argue with it, so he ignores it. For now. He'll keep it to think about in some quiet moment, take his time to integrate logic into loss.

No matter how right she is, the human mind can't turn on a credit. ]

You really think it's better not to feel? [ What an odd reversal. The General would be happy, he thinks, he hopes. Poe fiddles with his tea bag, still watching Jyn's face. ] You told me that was 'inadvisable'.

[realists]

For you.

[ inadvisable for him, specifically, because he is a happy, effusive person that needs to share and let his emotions out so someone else can sort through them and hand them back neatly packaged in logic. and it's not like jyn listens to advice anyway, just as a general rule of sorts. ]

I've been through enough [ his words ] that it would be too much. My fathers died a month and a half ago, I don't want to feel anything. [ she died a month and a half ago, there is too much to feel at once and so jyn refuses. ]

[volitaunt]

Can't say I blame you.

[ Saw and Galen, both at once. He doesn't dwell on what that must feel like, to lose two parents at the same time.

Poe offers her the honey bear like someone else might offer a bottle of beer. He's not going to go off on some noble tangent about the value of emotions when he's barely capable of handling his own, sometimes. There are things about which Poe, like most sentient beings with changeable minds, is a hypocrite, but not this and not when Jyn is as likely to leave as to, say, punch him in the head.

And he's too kind to ask her if she blames herself, like that will prove something. ]

If you don't take it I'm just gonna squeeze some into your hand.

[realists]

[ luckily, jyn blames her parents. she has spent so long missing them to have lost off of that when she lost them, but it is tempered by grief now and the blame has softened. not quite with understanding, but with the settling of her own anger. regardless, she is content to change the subject.

she snatches the bear out of his hand not only because she trusts the threat, but because she does use it in her tea. ]

Did Cassian buy this for you, too?

[volitaunt]

Nah, I got it.

[ In other words, he saw her affection for honey and figured it would be a good idea to keep some around in case she came over. Also, he likes it, too.

A pause, then:]

Thank you. For coming.

[realists]

Of course, [ jyn offers, as if it's nothing. she's warmed by poe's kindness in getting the honey for her but she doesn't want to admit it.

after a brief pause she blurts out: ] What does te amo mean?