I can just steal a few bites of yours. [it doesn't work when he tells her that. but that's honestly all he wants!] I am not very hungry.
[he stops when she does, surprised by how close they are all of a sudden, like they weren't just pressed together, but it's different being face to face like this. he did not put his shirt back on yet. she is right there.]
[he swallows and thinks he should let go of her hand but no he refuses. he doesn't need a reason, no one is going to notice but her!] What are you heating up?
[ no he cannot steal a bite of hers, she wrinkles her nose at him, chin tipping up defiantly, but says nothing. for once. ]
The rice you made.
[ spicy rice with some kind of meat, beef or space lamb or tesco horse meat, she doesn't care and she wouldn't care. food is food and everything is better than a protein cube in prison. she has a feeling it's not as spicy as he would prefer, considering he'd warned her about the chili and then casually ate a bowl himself, but again -- prison. she'll need a few more months.
she extracts her hand easily by giving him something else to hold, pressing a jug of water into his arms to get it out of her way. once she's gotten the bowl of rice out and in the microwave, she takes the water back and tucks it back into the fridge. she leans against the counter as she waits for the food to reheat, fingers curled against the very edge, the position making her arms twist in a familiar way that looks just as painful for her shoulder as the way she was sat on the bench did. ]
[he is kind of bummed when she lets go of his hand, but he lets her use him like a shelf while she digs around in the fridge and starts heating up the rice. it is definitely not as spicy as he might have made it normally, but honestly his taste buds aren't what they were as a child either.]
[since she's not holding his hand anymore, he uses the opportunity to pull his arms back through his sleeves at last. it's getting chilly, okay, now that he doesn't have her for a blanket. he's distracted from buttoning it back up by the way she leans though, frowning because he knows that cannot feel good. he reaches out without thinking and tugs gently at her arm to stop her from leaning so uncomfortably.]
Not as myself. [that undercover life.] I cannot decide if that made it easier or not.
[ his tugs pulls her elbow right off the counter and tugs her a little toward him but before she can settle there the microwave dings and she turns away to fetch the rice, using the skirt of her dress to protect her hands when she pulls it free. it's hot!
carefully she sets it on the kitchen table and reaches back to pull two forks free before gesturing cassian to sit with her. ]
[he does not look down at her suddenly more exposed from the way she scoops up her dress legs (he does, for two seconds), but it would not even be the first time he's caught a glimpse of more leg. she was just sitting behind him with her dress scrunched up! it's fine, whatever.]
[he sits down at the table with ease, glad she actually listened and did not heat up more than necessary.]
Not this time. [he offers her... a tiny smile?] I guess that part was nice.
[see, he's trying. he's really taken her you don't have to be a spy thing to heart.]
[ jyn doesn't care about exposed anything, once she's got her underpants on she has the bathroom door open so she can continue whatever conversation was stalled with their showers in the morning. ]
But... nothing to turn off when you came home.
[ had to be difficult. jyn could shed the facade of politeness that she'd barely held up, but cassian was just being cassian. ]
[she may not care, and realistically he shouldn't either! so it's fine. it's nothing. don't think about her legs.]
[he smiles a little wider though, reaching out to scoop up some of the rice.]
It felt like there should have been something. Basic politeness, maybe. [is he polite?? he guesses?? he knows how to be, but is that really him???????????] It was easier with you there.
You're always polite, [ jyn counters. she turns it off, he doesn't. he's just a generally nice person on the regular. scooping up too much rice, she shoves it in her mouth, cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk.
[he pauses for a second when she shoves the rice in her mouth, mouth twisting into the smallest of amused smiles. how is this charming him?? every times????? she's just eating, but she is adorable.]
Being polite is unobtrusive. That is... how I was supposed to be.
[ cassian is not a spy anymore, he doesn't have to be polite unless he wants to be polite. maybe he wants to be blunt and rude like his beloved droid. ]
[he takes a very small spoonful of his own rice, chewing idly.]
I don't know. [honesty...?? also weird for him. he doesn't feel sad or anything about it. it's just a work in progress, but at least he's accepted he doesn't need to be a spy anymore.] I am not sure there is much of me left outside of the Rebellion.
[ it's a good thing he adds the last part because jyn was gearing up to argue that there is loads of him left outside the rebellion because he is left, but then he makes his own addendum and jyn swallows the words back.
instead she touches the back of his hand. ] You have time.
[he flips his hand over to wind their fingers together, giving her a grateful squeeze. he does have time, more than he ever had before.]
And I have you.
[she's there for him. she will kick him out of it and argue with him about who he really is, and knowing that... helps. she reminded him in the first place there was more than just existing as a spy, it's only fitting she's still there to keep doing it. jyn sees him as more than that. it's enough to maybe make him believe it.]
[ that feels like so much for her, too much. what if she isn't enough? but he's holding her hand and she can feel his faith in her and maybe that is enough. maybe she only needs to have faith in him and he can have faith in her and that will be enough. ]
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no subject
I can just steal a few bites of yours. [it doesn't work when he tells her that. but that's honestly all he wants!] I am not very hungry.
[he stops when she does, surprised by how close they are all of a sudden, like they weren't just pressed together, but it's different being face to face like this. he did not put his shirt back on yet. she is right there.]
[he swallows and thinks he should let go of her hand but no he refuses. he doesn't need a reason, no one is going to notice but her!] What are you heating up?
[there, real words.]
no subject
The rice you made.
[ spicy rice with some kind of meat, beef or space lamb or tesco horse meat, she doesn't care and she wouldn't care. food is food and everything is better than a protein cube in prison. she has a feeling it's not as spicy as he would prefer, considering he'd warned her about the chili and then casually ate a bowl himself, but again -- prison. she'll need a few more months.
she extracts her hand easily by giving him something else to hold, pressing a jug of water into his arms to get it out of her way. once she's gotten the bowl of rice out and in the microwave, she takes the water back and tucks it back into the fridge. she leans against the counter as she waits for the food to reheat, fingers curled against the very edge, the position making her arms twist in a familiar way that looks just as painful for her shoulder as the way she was sat on the bench did. ]
Have you been to a fancy party like that before?
no subject
[since she's not holding his hand anymore, he uses the opportunity to pull his arms back through his sleeves at last. it's getting chilly, okay, now that he doesn't have her for a blanket. he's distracted from buttoning it back up by the way she leans though, frowning because he knows that cannot feel good. he reaches out without thinking and tugs gently at her arm to stop her from leaning so uncomfortably.]
Not as myself. [that undercover life.] I cannot decide if that made it easier or not.
no subject
carefully she sets it on the kitchen table and reaches back to pull two forks free before gesturing cassian to sit with her. ]
Nothing to turn off when you came home?
no subject
[he sits down at the table with ease, glad she actually listened and did not heat up more than necessary.]
Not this time. [he offers her... a tiny smile?] I guess that part was nice.
[see, he's trying. he's really taken her you don't have to be a spy thing to heart.]
no subject
But... nothing to turn off when you came home.
[ had to be difficult. jyn could shed the facade of politeness that she'd barely held up, but cassian was just being cassian. ]
no subject
[he smiles a little wider though, reaching out to scoop up some of the rice.]
It felt like there should have been something. Basic politeness, maybe. [is he polite?? he guesses?? he knows how to be, but is that really him???????????] It was easier with you there.
[because...jyn makes it easy to be himself.]
no subject
this is the girl u love. loser. ]
no subject
Being polite is unobtrusive. That is... how I was supposed to be.
no subject
[ cassian is not a spy anymore, he doesn't have to be polite unless he wants to be polite. maybe he wants to be blunt and rude like his beloved droid. ]
no subject
I don't know. [honesty...?? also weird for him. he doesn't feel sad or anything about it. it's just a work in progress, but at least he's accepted he doesn't need to be a spy anymore.] I am not sure there is much of me left outside of the Rebellion.
[there's a pause.] But I am trying to find it.
no subject
instead she touches the back of his hand. ] You have time.
[ fucking loads of it apparently. ]
no subject
And I have you.
[she's there for him. she will kick him out of it and argue with him about who he really is, and knowing that... helps. she reminded him in the first place there was more than just existing as a spy, it's only fitting she's still there to keep doing it. jyn sees him as more than that. it's enough to maybe make him believe it.]
no subject
Yeah.
[ always. ]