realists | open ✧ the time to fight is now

We are friends. [ friends who sleep in the same bed and are violently opposed to being apart. she can't apply how she feels about cassian to baze and chirrut though. ] What's after friends?

We may be more than that. [ His fingers tangle in the hair at the back her neck. ] Novios or parejas. [ A beat. ] The first is more...romantic. Implies we are together.

[ she's quiet for probably too long to be anything but stressful for cassian. ] I would prefer novios. What does the second mean?

[ It is stressful, and Jyn might be able to tell in the way he almost holds his breath and blinks slowly at her response. ]

Partners.

Is there a word for both? [ married, babe. that would be married. ]

[ Cassian gives a quiet chuckle. ] Not without paperwork.

Perhaps... later. [ which seems to be only because she doesn't want to move and not because the idea of it offends her. ]

[ Cassian just stares at her for almost a full minute. ]

You're serious?

[ she pushes up with one arm braced on his thigh,, bringing herself mostly to eye level. ]

I think so. Eventually. [ her mouth slants down in an anxious frown ] Not now, but... maybe... You're my dearest friend and I don't want to imagine the rest of my life with you somewhere else. [ or with someone else. ]

But maybe... not? [ NOT SHE IS UNSURE ]

[ Cassian smooths an errant strand of hair from the edge of her face, taking the opportunity to wipe his thumb across her cheekbone. ]

It doesn't... [ He can't say there's no rush, or it isn't important, or she should think about it more. He stops and starts a few times before taking a breath. ]

I agree. With, all that. There's other things we can do in the meantime. Other paperwork, I mean.

We can talk about it again later? [ When he's not feeling so blindsided. ]

Of course, [ jyn nods, struggling to keep her sudden anxiety at bay. ]

Hey. [ His hand moves to cup her chin and he looks her in the eye. ] I'm honored, okay? I mean that. This is really important, and I'm committed. I'm not going anywhere. Marriage is...was just...a big thing, back home. Moreso than it is with the Resistance, and I...

[ Alright he's pretty sure he's butchering this so he's just gonna. Shut up and kiss her. ]

I just. [ she's not going to ever know anyone who knows her as well as he does. ] We're already partners, have been since you let me keep that blaster. And-- and romantically there is something there. [ even if it's only contained in tender touchds and fleeting kisses. ] So, I-- Eventually. Eventually when, when both of us sleep through the night, maybe we could talk about it then.

Okay. [ Cassian swallows, then nods. ] I meant what I said, I'm not going anywhere. There's...a lot there, romantically. [ He gives her a smile. He's just...he wanted to let her take the lead on that, or at least most of one.

Seducing people for ops is not something he's unfamiliar with but loving someone else is. So. ] I don't want to fuck it up. What's between us.

You can't, [ jyn tells him with all seriousness. ] ...do you want to read something else?

[ There's conflict and fear in his expression. Cassian does not think so highly of himself as to presume he can't screw things up. ]

Hm.

A story, or a poem?

Mmm, a poem. Or I could read to you...?

We could switch, back and forth. [ Since sleeping is not, really, on the table. ] That would make it your turn.

Seems fair. [ she reaches for the datapad and shifts a bit more to sit crosslegged again and scroll through to find a selection. ] Still a poem? Maybe not... this-- [ she looks up, lingering on a poem. ] Poem, still?

Poem works just fine. [ He settles into the bed, resting his head against her shoulder and closing his eyes. ]

[ she picked a bad one for the conversation they just had and her desire to get out of that conversation but she also doesn't want to go searching for a poem that has no romantic undertones. she will find none, taking a deep breath before she begins: ]

I had too much to dream last night.
I didn't mean to take you by storm.
I didn't mean to scare you away.
I just had a litllte too much to dream.

I came into the room, you were there
I had to approach you the best way I felt I could.
I didn't stop for no signs.

Dreams of you and me, taking the rough with the smooth.
I let myself fall, hoping your arms would catch me.
I didn't stop to ask any questions.
I guess I had a little too much to dream.

Momma says a girl is nothing without her dreams
But I let mine take over. I had no control.

I opened my eyes and saw your lady standing by your side...
She wasn't there last night.
I'm sorry...
I just had a little too much to dream.

I like that. [ Cassian gives her a smile, before taking the database back and scrolling through it. ] Estaré allí para atraparte. [ Because apologizing seems both silly and not enough, in this moment.

Cassian clears his throat. ]

Moon

Hung
like a red-hot coin
lifted from an oven, hung.
From time to time a white veil
shadows her face,
like me, when I lose you.

Hanging
like a round
of freshly-made cheese, hanging.
A thousand shafts of her light
cast cool across the earth
like me, when I look at you.

[ she ducks her head a little shyly, takes the pad back. she studies one of the poems for a long time, a familiar sadness creeping in behind her eyes, somberness returning to her expression. ]

One river gives
Its journey to the next.

We give because someone gave to us.
We give because nobody gave to us.

We give because giving has changed us.
We give because giving could have changed us.

We have been better for it,
We have been wounded by it—

Giving has many faces: It is loud and quiet,
Big, though small, diamond in wood-nails.

Its story is old, the plot worn and the pages too,
But we read this book, anyway, over and again:

Giving is, first and every time, hand to hand,
Mine to yours, yours to mine.

You gave me blue and I gave you yellow.
Together we are simple green. You gave me

What you did not have, and I gave you
What I had to give — together, we made

Something greater from the difference.

[ Cassian reaches out and pulls her in a little closer. This is, he thinks, an interesting sort of experiment, when neither of them are able to sleep. See who can touch the ther more with the words of people from other planets. ]

Heaven's kitchen is supplied with infernal utensils,
sagging, lilac-coloured cauldrons, fat forks
between whose prongs are tangled strings
of archangels' spit and frayed voices
that rose from the left-hand shirt of God.

A soup was being cooked when Love appeared,
a rare broth sprinkled with flaming scriptures
and glints of seaside holidays. The oil became fire,
seeped into the skin and stayed, vigorous,
iridescent, in the eyes of the blessed.

The elaborate coven stopped work: elongated odours
invaded the heavenly kitchen; pure spices
for the feverish construction of Spring
and its rippling; Aprils whose flowers are teeth,
whose jaws are crammed with dragonflies;
Eros's entire wardrobe for the Salad
with its curled coiffure; the brilliance of stabbed embraces
and the sea of hands, blue as can be, multiplying.

[ if jyn were the type to swoon, this would be her moment. it's not fair, really. cassian has such a beautiful voice. ]

Come and find me
come and claim whats yours
come and cast your soulful spell on me
capture my heart
and let me unfold in yours.

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