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[realists]

@jyn.erso | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[realists]

I don't like that you worry.

[evasives]

You know it does not mean I think you are incapable, right?

[realists]

I know.

[evasives]

Then why are you giving me a hard time?

[realists]

I don't know.

I'm still annoyed, fighting didn't help.

[evasives]

You do not have to pick fights with me when the first route did not work.

[realists]

YOU picked this fight!

[evasives]

I confronted you about lying and you have been hostile with me since.

I was not looking for a fight like you seem to be.

[realists]

Fine, you win.

[evasives]

I am not looking for a win either, Jyn. What's wrong?

[realists]

I believed her! And I told you what she said and all of it was wrong and I hurt you because I was too weak and trusted her.

[evasives]

[ oh. now he gets it. ]

We were both going with what you had learned at the time, that is not weak. You did not hurt me with it, Jyn.

[realists]

I felt it, Cassian.

[evasives]

Whatever hurt I felt was not your fault.

[realists]

IT FEELS LIKE IT IS

If I hadn't shown up you could have been a General, Cassian.

[ in case he thought she was only upset about one thing. check her reducing their combined impact on the war to simple grief that cassian could have lived. of course she needed to hit something. ]

[evasives]

Do not for one second blame yourself for my choices.

There was no way I was ever going to be a General. [ there was no way he saw himself living that long, regardless of scarif. ]

I never even wanted to be one. What happened at Scarif was not your fault. Please do not blame yourself for it, Jyn. I don't.

[realists]

You're a good person, you should have gotten to grow old in the peace that you gave the galaxy.

[ jyn doesn't regret what they did and even now she hates that she is taking credit for a choice he made, letting her guilt hoard his good actions for her own grief, but all the sorrow she had kept packed down for months and months cracked when she spoke to han and saw the future they could have had and now it is seeping out like blood from a fresh wound. ]

[evasives]

[ he is not a good person. he probably didn't deserve to grow old, but it doesn't mean... he hadn't wanted that on some level, evidently. he saw an old man who fought in the rebellion and lived and has seen the proof that it's possible, but it just hurts when he even hedges in the direction of the future of the galaxy as it relates to himself. ]

I was never going to grow old. I do not regret my choices that led me to Scarif. I will never regret finding you on Wobani.

[realists]

YOU COULD HAVE!

[ he could have had a life, he could have lasted through the war, he'd already lasted far longer than any other intelligence officer. he could have been a general like draven, made the hard choices the council was too cowardly to make. jyn is stuck on what cassian could have been if he hadn't wasted his time chasing her family's legacy of death. ]

[evasives]

I was never going to! There was no future for me, Jyn, regardless of what you think I could have done better!

[ she is so insistent he could have grown old but cassian can't fathom it. he doesn't want to think about the possibility of it because he doesn't want to spiral down that path, he just wants to lock it away like everything else. maybe she's right, but he doesn't want her to be, he doesn't want to consider growing old when it doesn't matter. he's already dead. ]

[realists]

[ there is a very long pause. maybe she's fighting again, maybe she's having a panic attack in a broom closet, maybe she's struggling to put the words together. ]

I don't think you could have done better, you saved the galaxy. I wish you'd been able to see it.

[evasives]

[ it's fine, he is busy trying to stave off his own panic attack. they're in great shape about this. ]

I don't want to think about seeing it. I can't.

But it still does not make it any bit your fault.

[realists]

It feels like it.

[ doesn't matter what he thinks, her guilt is alive and well. her father helped build that machine because of her, how can she not feel guilt? how can she pretend all that blood isn't on her hands? ]

[evasives]

I do not blame you. Please do not ever think that I do. Do not take the reasons I went to Scarif from me.

I went to Scarif because it was the right thing to do. Because without the Rebellion, I would have just been a murderer. I still am, and none of that is because of anything you did. We all went because we believed in the fight and the necessity of that mission.

The Rebellion was always going to be the death of me, Jyn. With or without the Death Star.

[realists]

[ she knows he doesn't blame her, she blames her. ]

I hate that.